Jack the Giant Slayer

28 June 2013

JtGSNicholas Hoult  
Eleanor Tomilinson  
Ewan McGregor  
Stanley Tucci  
Eddie Marsan  
Ewen Bremner  
Ian McShane  

PG13           114 min           2013
The ancient war between humans and a race of giants is reignited when Jack, a young farmhand fighting for a kingdom and the love of a princess, opens a gateway between the two worlds. – from imdb

I was underwhelmed by Jack the Giant Slayer. I’m actually glad I waited to see this on dvd.
It was my sister asking, “Let’s watch Jack and the Giant Slayer.”

Twenty in minutes in she took a phone call. Comes back and says, “Okay!”

End of movie: “Well, that’s over.”

Usually she all over me about rewinding and what happened.

For me, It really didn’t impress. The story was marginal. The special effect was borderline horrible. You can tell they were in time crunches. Some of the scenes have that detail and others are barely passable.

After viewing, I can see why they moved Jack the Giant Slayer from its summer position of 2012. It would have been utterly crushed. And this is the film, Singer passed on X-Men: First Class to make. Really? wow.

Here’s what I was thinking when I should have been engrossed in this movie:

Damn, Is Nicholas Hoult really tall? Or is Isabelle really short?

Let’s check imdb, left room for better reception on phone… and Tony Stonem is 6’2¾”, that’s 6’3” all day long.

Imdb: has distinctive Vulcan eyebrows.

Me: “Ha!” LOLing. (After about a minute of repeating it and laughing) “Shit, I got a movie to watch.”

Sat back down and watched until credits rolled. And I didn’t even care what I missed.

I give Jack the Giant Slayer 2 out 5 Gs.


Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters

12 June 2013

HGWWJeremy Renner  
Gemma Arterton  
Famke Janssen  
Pihla Vitala  
Peter Stormare  
Thomas Mann  
Derek Mears  
R           98 min           2013

Hansel & Gretel are bounty hunters who track and kill witches all over the world. As the fabled Blood Moon approaches, the siblings encounter a new form of evil that might hold a secret to their past. – from imdb

I thoroughly enjoyed Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters . It’s humorous, crass, and revels in violence. It’s implied in the name: Witch Hunters. This revisionist of the classic story finds two lucky children turned into damaged scarred adults.

With its steampunk weapons, these siblings slaughter witches wholesale. They don’t ask for or accept forgiveness; they are badassdem to the core.

Gretel is such a kick-ass female. It should be renamed Gretel & Hansel. For all the good he did, as much as he gets the shit kicked out of him. She is a queen bee with all her workers following her. (You question that check out the end credits and tell me if she isn’t the queen of her domain.)

The only problem I really had with Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters was the use of diabetes. Since learning what diabetes is, I always thought Hansel and Gretel would be characters to have it. This movie addresses the possibility but it uses it for shite. Hansel is diabetic, but never in the history of diabetes has insulin ever supercharged a diabetic.

With such elaborated design of background witches at the gathering, I would have rather Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters been a television series, where they dispatch a witch of the week, because some of those costumes were so distracting excellent.

I give Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters 3 out 5 Gs.

Rifts (Grace Murphy 2)

6 March 2013

RiftsRifts (Grace Murphy 2) by Nicole Hamlett

“Remember when life used to be nice and easy? No? Yeah, me either.”

Grace Murphy, a single mom and newly made demi-goddess is slowly learning what it means to be a Hunter. What she finds is that no matter how big they get, kids are still rambunctious, men are still kids and there is something much more terrifying in this world than the boogeyman. She’s going to have to face it and she may very well not be ready for it.

Rifts, the sequel to Huntress, isn’t just about Grace learning how to navigate her new powers, it’s about navigating the Rifts caused in daily life.

Magic is easy. Relationships are the hard part.

As second novels in a series goes Rifts (Grace Murphy 2) ROCKED! The sense of humor that is infused in the character had me constantly laughing; not to mention the pop culture references. By the time I finished I hadn’t realized that they day was gone.

Even as Grace is the new kid on the block she’s a fish out of water. She has arrested development somewhere around the time she got pregnant. She’s a woman floundering in this new life. It’s pure hilarity to read. Sometimes I wonder if I laughing with her or at her because she has no idea what she’s doing. It’s like she said, she’s “barreling through her own life.” If Dylan didn’t seem like an amazing kid, I would call her a nature disaster.

The only regret I have is this isn’t on television. A few more books and Grace Murphy would be ripe for a thirteen episode season show. They all end on perfect seasonal cliff hangers. This is the material it seems networks are looking for in the pilot season of 2013.

Book 1 – Huntress

Book 3 – Volcanoes

I give Rifts (Grace Murphy 2) 5 out 5Gs.

Robin: Lady of Legend

13 September 2012

Robin: Lady of Legend (The Classic Adventures of the Girl Who Became Robin Hood) by R.M. ArceJaeger

What if Robin Hood wasn’t the man you thought him to be—what if he wasn’t a man at all?

Robin of Locksley is young, headstrong, and about to receive the worst birthday present of her life. Still struggling to define herself in a society that believes women are fit for little more than governing a household and bearing children, she balks at her father’s plans for her future, but the consequences of her rebellion prove deadly. Hunted by both her father and the Sheriff, Robin is forced to hide her identity and seek refuge as an outlaw in Sherwood Forest.

Disguised as a lad for protection, Robin maintains a careful isolation from the world around her…until she chances upon a young boy being beaten to death by the Sheriff’s soldiers. Her rescue of the youth marks the beginning of her leadership in Sherwood forest and of the unfortunates who seek refuge therein. Robin’s endeavors to provide a life of honor and purpose for her people while aiding the land’s downtrodden win her high esteem, but enrage the Sheriff of Nottingham, who plots a deadly fate for her and her band.

As the Sheriff’s traps close in around her and assassins seek to bring her down, Robin must risk losing love, leadership, and life if she is to save her people and fulfill her destiny as one of history’s greatest heroes.

Alive with adventure and danger, sword fights and heists, hatred and love, Robin: Lady of Legend is the never-before-told tale of the girl who became Robin Hood.

Robin: Lady of Legend (The Classic Adventures of the Girl Who Became Robin Hood) is easily one of the best reimagining of the English legend. Although I’m not familiar with the story that inspired the author’s tale, I’m inspired by this one.

Although it goes against the traditional tale of this legendary hero, it should be placed within their same note. It captures the same things that make other adaptations captivating. This one has the added bonus of a female protagonist which I think will appeal to the same market as the Hunger Game. Reimagining Robin Hood as a girl has been done before, Princess of Thieves, but never as skillfully done. It’s a tale of female empowerment as much as it’s a sweeping action adventurer.

R.M. Arcejaeger crafts a Robin Hood that is truly believable as a girl, that could definitely lead a band of outlaws in the Sherwood Forest. The only real question is how long she can keep the masquerade up. More than anything Robin of Locksley is an outlaw because she has modern notions that have no place in medieval England.

If you’re looking for a new adaptation on the Robin Hood legend, an action adventure with a female lead, or something that will appeal to the Hunger Games crowd, Robin Hood: Lady of Legend is the novel for you.

I give Robin: Lady of Legend (The Classic Adventures of the Girl Who Became Robin Hood) 5 out 5Gs.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

26 June 2009

Transformers (RotF)Shia LaBeouf
Megan Fox
Josh Duhamel
Tyrese Gibson
John Turturro
Ramon Rodriguez
Kevin White
Julie White
Isabel Lucas

PG13           150min           2009

Decepticon forces return to Earth on a mission to take Sam Witwicky prisoner, after the young hero learns the truth about the ancient origins of the Transformers. Joining the mission to protect humankind is Optimus Prime, who forms an alliance with international armies for a second epic battle. | – from imdb

If you were around during the heyday of Transformers then you know the story of ROTF. Most parts are taken from the original cartoon movie. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is modernized and simplified for the commercial marketing

“Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” definitely does what a good sequel is supposed to. More robots, more hot bodies, and it moves the trilogy arc along. With over 20 different robots represented in the movie, it doubles the number and also most quadruple the screen time from the previous. Jessica Lucas comes to the screen bringing another hot body with a surprise. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen brings more story showing how our civilizations histories are intertwinned.

All those crying out that the twins are racists lighten the frak up. They are comic relief and fictional robots as much as I wish they were real. Its the absurdity of the characters that makes them funny.

Transformer: Revenge of the Fallen is what it is… a great summer movie. It’s directed by a director at the best of his game. Go, relax, buy some popcorn and soda, and enjoy one of this summer’s best film. Coming next week “Public Enemies” starring Johnny Depp, Christian Bale, in his second outing this summer, and Marion Cotillard.

I give Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen 5 out of 5.

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